And now the real reasons behind my distinct lack of any real updates and / or communication as of late..

Two Months ago I was placed on anti-depressents, officially to help with my stress ulcers which had been causing me some serious disrest, but unofficially because the thought of the end grew ever sweeter. Like reading a book by Stephanie Myers.

Two Weeks ago I found myself having to end one of the greatest experiences of many years - my relationship with the woman I genuinely loved which led to her sudden decision that she couldn't even find herself speaking to me again. This blow nearly sent me over the edge.
My roommate found herself unwittingly assisting this notion by constantly rubbing affection for my other roommate in my face during any social interaction between us where all I could hear would be her kissing his arm or various other body parts with a big wet slapping kiss. As such I found myself relocating to my room a great deal more often than I would have liked.

Two Days ago my mother stopped in for a visit and brought me a treat of nine James Patterson books to occupy my time, some Ben & Jerrys ice cream, and the message that I am clearly not putting in the effort I should be doing to get a job otherwise I would have one by now. Along with this crippling notion: that if I were to continue my life as I lead it now than I would become the very person I despised for so many years for crushing me and twisting me into the self hating clump you see now, Stepdad #1. Also coupled with this was a note of distinct shame as my medication was brought into the conversation with the phrasing "You're already on anti-depressants for your ulcer problems. That best be THE reason right? And not for anything else?"
The shame that flooded me burnt my energy.


But on the bright side, whilst I am struggling to see a light at the end of a tunnel at this moment, it is giving me a desire to burn off some creative juices in any which way I can - drawings, writing etc.



And that was my update. I'd say "Enjoy!" But you shouldn't. It isn't fun. You sick, sick little moo-cow!